"Lefou, I'm afraid I've been thinking..."

"A dangerous pastime."
"I know..."

Well, we are down to the final pre-wedding countdown (38 days to go!) and it is crunch time for decision making and final plans. To say it has been a stressful few weeks would be an understatement but luckily I've got a few things to keep my sanity in check -- God, Brent, my family, crossfit (and/or exercising 4-5 days a week). 

The funny thing about decision making is it requires a lot of thinking... "why it's more than I can bear." ("More beer?" "what for? nothing helps.") I've been listening to way too much Disney Beauty and the Beast music lately. Mostly the "Gaston" songs. I feel like I am having Disney World withdrawals so I do and do not apologize for my over abundance of Disney references and/or songs, pictures, etc. 

Anyway, we were on the topic of decision making and thinking. So as you may or may not know, when you are getting married to your fiance who lives (insert number here) miles away in a little over a month, the conversation of "where are we going to live?"comes about pretty frequently. The most difficult thing about these decisions is that ultimately, they are not ours to make. Sometimes, we have to use faith and logic to see where our path is being directed. 

I've been reading a lot of devotionals lately and every time I open it up it somehow pertains to decision making and trusting and reliance... all things I need to be better at... especially now. So, I can do all the thinking I want, but the thinking will be nothing unless it involves praying. That's what I am being taught right now... trust and reliance. I need to trust in God's plan and rely on Him especially in the times when I want to forge my own path (because I'm human and sometimes my heart and mind aren't always in the right place). 

What I've come to understand from experiences in the past couple years is that no matter what my plan has been, when that plan did not come to fruition, something even better happened in my life. I need to remember that when I'm trying to walk on my own. When I (we) trust, I (we) find joy because I (we) know that God's plan may have ups and downs (zig-zags or circles) in our lives and our plans, but it will always cause us to rely on Him, to trust in Him, and to understand that He is always guiding us to what is best and that we cannot even begin to imagine how great His plans are for us.

One of the things I am looking forward to most about marriage is growing in a relationship with another person that will teach me how to love and trust better every single day. I cannot wait for the laughter, the tears, the moments, and the memories that marriage will bring. Most of I am looking forward to the fact that we will have been married for two months before this gem (Mockingjay Part 1) comes out in theaters on November 21, 2014. This way I already have someone to go to the midnight showing with me!

I have already partially prepared for the midnight showing of this and it may be proceeded with a re-reading of all the books and a re-watching of the first two movies. Although, I may be disappointed if I re-read the books so close to the movie and then realize they are missing something (like the Harry Potter series and Peeves... so sad). Anyway, I've got a hunger games training shirt, practiced my hair braiding, and of course mastered my archery skills. These have all been acquired over a few years so I may need a wardrobe upgrade. I probably also need to redefine "mastered" since in this case it means tried once and got the arrow to release from the long bow over two years ago... good thing I don't need those skills to watch a movie. All I need is my future husband, a giant cup of coffee (since it will be way past my bedtime), and to find my mockingjay pin (which is around here somewhere).

I can't wait to be married and I know that through all the craziness, the thinking, the decisions, and the journey of continuously learning to trust more it is going to be a fantastic, wonderful, incredible, amazing ride. Plus I'm marrying one of the best men I know! Lucky lucky lucky me.

Sometimes We Need a Little Magic

I have no self control. Honestly. Maybe I have a little self-control. Nope. No self control. It is official. If I happen to go into a store to look for one item, I am immediately distracted by the clothes (movie, games, book, food, kitchen) section. It's always the worst at Target. They have that "oh so tempting" adorable bathing suit section right near the entrance to the store. I'm convinced the bathing suits are there to suck you in. They take a girl who is on a perfectly well planned out mission to purchase a bottle of shampoo and have her walking out the store with a new bathing suit, yoga capris, and a cute new sports tank instead. Pure evil or pure genius? I'll go with a combination of both.

Even though Target is the store where I usually lose all sense of reality and financial budgeting, it was Wal-Mart that got the best of me today. I went in with the intentions of looking at a running/fitness watch I plan on purchasing and walked out with two new Disney shirts, two pairs of work-out shorts, and three new workout tanks. Luckily Wal-Mart pricing doesn't break the bank, but I usually try to avoid an impulse buy whenever possible. This time, though, it was very well worth it. Since my Disney annual pass expired four days ago, I've been slightly mourning my loss of limitless trips to the sweet, sweet, world of big dreams, smiling faces, and endless magic. In a way, I've found a way to compensate for that "loss" with everything Disney (movies, music, phone ringtone...) like these amazing new t-shirts I found at Wal-Mart. This way I can have a little bit of Disney magic with me no matter what the future brings.

My favorite thing about Disney World is getting to go there with my sister. Every time I wanted to go to Disney, I knew (know) that I will always have someone to go with who delights in Disney for everything it is. I enjoy the rides and after having an annual pass and making 20+ trips to Disney World in the past year I could tell you my "must go on" rides, my favorite place to eat, the best way to plan out your fastpass +, the "secret" entrance into Animal Kingdom, and the shows you must, must, must see if you are going for the day. What was the best thing to do there though? The answer to that is something I never thought it would be.

The best memories I have at Disney are going to the Hollywood Studios drawing class in the art of animation because I know that my Disney loving, "game art and animation major" sister truly delights in these classes. Seeing someone else's joy and sharing in that is the most magical experience. I love my family and I am beyond blessed that God gave me the parents I have and the sister I have as well as all my wonderful grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. Family is the best and I can't wait for more family and more memories in two months!

As I look back at the past year, a lot has changed. A year ago I had recently accepted my first professional job outside of college and in every way I had the maturity level of a recent college graduate. The past year has taken me on a tremendous and continuous journey. I have and continue to re-explore and re-commit to my faith. I have learned that I can no longer eat fast food, boxed meals, sugar or grains if I care about my health and the health of my future family. I have gained confidence with every decision I have to make at work in my competence and my abilities. I have made mistakes and learned from them. I have gotten engaged to the best man I know and I strive to love him better every day... Some days I succeed at all of the above, but more often then not there is still some ways that I fail. I may occasionally (or daily...) eat that piece of chocolate calling my name. I may lose my confidence in a tense situation. I may disagree with the people I love and unintentionally cause pain. I mess up, but I learn and I try again.

The best thing about the past year is everything I have learned and everything I have gained (and continue to learn and to gain). The crazy thing about life is that it is constantly changing. I change daily, and the people I love are always changing around me but it doesn't mean that I will love them any less. In fact, I will love them more. I will delight in their joys and mourn with them when they are sad. I will cause them pain and I will work to amend my wrongs against them. I will look to them for advice, guidance, and understanding. 

I'm getting married in a little over two months now, and I know that marriage is going to be a huge life change. I will probably learn something about another human that I never thought I would know and they will learn the same about me. I will learn every day how love and forgiveness is more powerful and healing than any other tribute or devotion of love. I know what a great man God gave me for forever, and I only hope that I can daily show my future husband all the love, respect, and kindness that he deserves. With God's grace it will be possible. Life is a constant journey. It is one hundred (plus or minus) years that we were blessed with for a purpose. I'm still searching for mine, but as I search, I will remember that real magic isn't found in a trip to Disney World. Real magic is experienced by sharing in the joy and delight of others out of love. It's knowing that a genuine smile is magical and time with the people you love is truly one of the happiest places on earth.